In this era of an ever changing world, it is difficult to keep up with the times. As we age, we tend to find solace in our past. We find comfort in the things that are familiar to us, like the music we listened to while growing up, or certain foods that soothed the soul. We day dream about the good moments, i.e. being a child, playing in the park, living carefree life styles.

We reach back into those moments, remember the feelings that went along with them, and gain a sense of security. We will even dig deep into our memory to acquire strength from a previous experience, and use it to our advantage in the current situation. This could be the courage you perceived the first time you got on a roller coaster, or how proud you were of yourself after receiving your boss’s applaud for a job well done.

The unknown is always scary, but when you are at an age where you are more vulnerable, and more dependant on those around you, we shift our existence to the past and get caught on the treadmill of life.

We do this on occasion to keep our happiness and faith in check, and to reassure ourselves that it will all be “O.K” one way or the other.

I use to care for an eighty year old women in my earlier years. I was there from 7:30 in the morning until dinner time, which was usually around 6:00pm. I liked to spend time with her. She was a good women, but every day seemed like every other.

We would watch repeats of her favorite shows on television like, Murder She Wrote and Colombo. Most days her lunch menu would be the same grilled cheese and tomato, with lemon iced tea. Once a month, after a visit to the doctors, we would go to her diner of choice, and still she had the grilled cheese and tomato with lemon iced tea.

It became a routine to argue about taking a shower and getting dressed. There were times she would tell me she could not walk to get to the bathroom, but then would walk perfectly fine to get up and put her movies in the VCR. I think some of this resistance was because she was so independent, and did not want to face the fact that she was in need of help.

She was like clock work, she would watch the Al Jolsen videos produced over half a century ago, every single day at 1:00pm, over and over again. Every now and then, I would get lucky because she would switch over to Barbara Streisand in concert.

After a few months of this, I could not bare to hear another song from Al Jolsen or Barbara Streisand. My mother ended up caring for her for a while before she ended up moving into an adult care facility.

I realized later in life that she was just comfortable on her treadmill, living life the way she felt best; in her youth. She found comfort and security in the videos that played her favorite songs. It brought her back to a time when she had full control over her life. She found peace in the memory.

She was not in the adult care facility too long before passing away. I did not get to say good bye.

It was about a year later when I had a dream about her. I was laying on her lap like a child would, and she was playing with my hair. I looked up at her and smiled. She placed her hand on my shoulder, letting me know she wanted to get up, so I moved.

As she got up, she began to sing April Showers, which was her favorite Al Jolsen song. She looked so happy and youthful. I quickly sat straight up to watch her walk away. She smiled at me, and waved as she walked out the door. I woke up with tears in my eyes, knowing she had said her final good bye to me.

Lucid‘s Thoughts:
We should try to live life to its fullest, so that when it is our turn to reach into the past, we will have a wide variety of goodness to choose from.

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