05-25-2007
I Lost My Husband of Almost 44 Years
Drema Wrote:
Sorry, I am really confused about all of this and how it works.
A very dear friend gave me your web site for healing as I just recently had surgery and my right leg is shorter than the other.
Also I lost my husband of almost 44 years and I just cannot seem to get over it at all. Is there any help for me. He was my soul mate. I feel that I will never get over his loss. There are times that all I can do is scream and cry for him. He had no life insurance, so right now I am having to live with my son, and I need to be by myself. Please help me.
God bless you,
Drema
Dear Drema,
Thank you for writing and sorry for the confusion. I see that your in turmoil right now, and for that I am sorry. I sense you are someone who has been self sufficient most of your life, and that you do not give up easily! Having these turn of events in your life has/is slowing you down, and you are not ready to settle for your present situation.
Right now you are at a point in your life where you are basically feeling helpless, and not seeing anyway out of it anytime too soon. I don’t want to see you act out irrationally, be careful with your decision making. You must find something that will calm your restlessness. If you do not, you will find that you are not being true to yourself or those around you.
Your physical situation is not making it any easier on you to deal with the circumstances that have been placed before you. I realize that. Is there a possible solution to the unevenness of your legs. Maybe a special shoe can be made to balance out the one leg.
As far as having to live with your son, it may be your only option at this point in time, whether it be for financial or healing reasons. Try to be patient. It is never a walk in the park when our life changes, especially when we are not wanting or ready for it.
The loss of your husband must have been devastating and I am sorry for your loss! I am being shown a small box of some kind. It is being handed to you for keep sake. Your memories are held in this box.
The road in which we walk can be a bumpy one, and we walk it roughly at times. Take your time, be patient with your emotions, and physical body. I feel your spirit is heavy. I almost want to say you have some anger or resentment towards your husbands’ passing.
Please understand he did not do this to you to hurt you. It was his time to go home, and at the point that he passed, he needed to.
He is close by and hears your cries. I see him holding out his hand. All you have to do is reach out yours. Just because he has left you in the physical form, does not mean he has left your side. You will see each other again!
May I suggest some grief counseling if you have not done so as of yet. I also think you have had a series of unfortunate events take place in a short period of time, and that you may need some extra help dealing with them.
It is a good thing to get support. Sometimes someone else may have an idea or suggestion that otherwise you would not have known or thought of. (Just a thought)
It takes time to heal and adjust to a new life style. Be patient with yourself, and know this is not a final situation.


May 25th, 2007 at 3:51 am
Hi, I too am a widow for 10 years this past January. Drema, I know it is very rough losing your darling husband, I know you were close to him. The 1st year is the hardest to get thru. Birthdays, and your anniversary are 2 of the hardest to get thru.
I think what Lucid wrote was great, and good thoughts to think about. I was mad when my husband died, I felt cheated ….. why did he have to go? We all have to go thru this progression in order to be with our Heavenly Father/higher power some day.
I am not one to dream very much,and someone once told me to give the person who you want to dream about permission to come to you in a dream. You may want to try doing that. We can get messages from dreaming.
Maybe you need counseling to help you get thru this phase of your life. Don’t keep things inside…. find a good friend that you can sit down with talk with share your feelings with them. Make it someone that don’t live with you. There are times that people just don’t understand what you are feeling at home.
I’ll pray for your peace of mind. Thanks for sharing with us.
Phyllis
May 25th, 2007 at 12:20 pm
My sympathies go out to you as well. Life can be sooo difficult.
About your legs…. is ther some kind of physical therapy they can do to try and lenghten them or maybe a specail caine? Lucid is right, I have seen some sneaker type shoes made with a sole that is alittle thicker then the other which evens out the difference.
Best wishes with your healing journey!
May 27th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Thank you phyl and cheri, it is hard to admit it but Ido have anger over his death and also having to live with my son and family. I am so used to being independent and I am not independent now and it is killing me now. I am sure things will work out some way, I just don’t know how right now. Thanks for the comments from both of you.
May 28th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
I too lost my husband, it was the most devistating thing I have ever had to deal with. I am not over it either, and I don’t know if i will ever be. I know in my heart and soul, that God saved him from something even worse than what he was already going through; and I can accept that.
It does not help me get over the complete loss I still feel, and the lonliness.
Today I found an old cell phone and I didn’t even realize it was mine. There was a text message still on it from 3 years ago from my husband, it just said I miss you and love you.
Needless to say that was it for me……
No matter what anyone tells you….it doesn’t get better, hopefully you can just deal with it better.
May 29th, 2007 at 1:56 am
I will not candy coat this to you, death is an excruiatingly painful experience. You can not and should not replace your loved ones just because they have passed. However, it is cruital that you find some peace in your heart, and know that death is not final. You will be united with them again. And, if this is what you need to hold onto to in order to continue your own life, then please try.
I pray and hope you ladies find some serenity so that your hearts may heal.
XOXO
Lucid
May 29th, 2007 at 3:00 am
I hope for your happiness again too. My grandmother never remarried after she lost my grandfather. She seemed to be ok, but who knows what she really was feeling. No one wants to be alone. I hope you find someone or something that will bring you to a place of peace.
May 29th, 2007 at 7:16 pm
I have not lost my husband however I have lost people close to me and god it hurts.
I know they say time heals all but what I think they should say is time brings you closer to the ones you have lost.
I also believe we will all see each other again.